Alrighty, so let's be candid here. Everyone needs money to survive in this world. You need a certain amount of it to buy food, get you from place to place, and take care of your basic needs, such as practical clothing. Money can be spent on the necessities, and it can be spent on the frivolities in life.
Due to some circumstances within my previous marriage, I am still carrying some debt from the marriage. I decided recently, that I need to be handling my finances more carefully. Tonight I was going through what I spent in the last few weeks. I was mortified at where the money went. The saddest part of that, is that I was having to borrow money to get by with my living expenses. I feel so ashamed looking at the numbers.
I want to pay my debts off, and I want to be better at managing my personal finances. When my marriage fell apart, I stopped looking at my finances closely. That has gotten me into more trouble than I would have liked. I don't think I cared where it went, because I wanted to stay in one piece. I was spending the money I was making on frivolities rather than on expenses that I needed to pay on. It felt great at the time. Now, I am still having debt hang over me when I could have been putting all of that extra money towards that debt.
Sadly for me, the damage is done, and I have to live with this. I hope and pray that I don't have to bring any of this into my new marriage, but the likelihood of that is slim to none. This isn't a fair situation for Steve. He has gotten his finances taken care of and squared away. I feel bad that I am the one keeping us from being able to buy a home and have some of those things that we so long for and desire.
I guess all I can say, is "Lesson learned Shala, now it's time to make sure it doesn't happen again."
All my love,
Shae
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