God knows what he is doing.

It's funny how sometimes in life, we question God, and why he puts us through things in life. I know that I have had my moments where I have wondered the same thing. Why me? Why am I going through this? When will this be over for me?
It's equally funny when you get to a point in your life when you realize why you went through what you did. God knows what he is doing, and now I want to share a point in why I needed to have my first marriage.

Just before I got married a couple of weeks ago, I went and got my hair colored by my old boss. He had also been married once before he got married to his sweet wife. He refers to his first marriage as his "practice marriage."

I've been thinking about that a lot since then, and in all honesty, it's kind of true. I learned so much about what being a wife and partner is from my first marriage.  Had I not gone through what I did with my first husband, I would not know how to be a partner to Steve. I've learned a lot more about the give and take that real relationships entail. 

I've also learned that becoming and doormat to my husband is not how to be a good partner. Making sure my husband is happy is still important, but it's ok to voice my opinion. Steve has taught me to make decisions when it comes to little things. We take turns cooking dinner, picking where we are going out to dinner, etc. I never felt like I could make those kind of decisions with my first marriage, because we didn't like enough things in common. So, I thought the only way to go around that was to do what he wanted, and put my feelings aside. 

I have also learned that it's really ok to be myself, and to share when I have an insecurity with my partner.  I never felt like I could do that before. I felt like I had to be the strong, put together, provider in every way in my first marriage.  Steve doesn't let me do things alone, even though I could.  We choose every day to be together, and to be partners. It's pretty awesome, for lack of more eloquence.

I know now, that God always meant for me to be with Steven. I just had some things to learn before I was ready for this kind of a relationship. 

Trust him. It will always work out. To enjoy a "beautiful life" you need to be yourself, and trust that God knows what he's doing.

All my love,

Shae