Personal Growth

Sometimes, personal growth is tough. Though when we are on the other side we appreciate it and understand it, it doesn't make it any easier. I have been pondering lately about the person I was 8 years ago when I was engaged to my first husband.
I am a completely different person now. I have grown in so many ways, and learned so many things. I love the person I am now, but I didn't love the person I was then. I thought that I just needed the love of another person, and life would magically work out. Wow! What a let down it was once I figured it out. I had to love myself before I could experience true love.
My first marriage taught me a lot about being a spouse, and knowing what I need to do to be a good spouse. The biggest thing is compromise. I am still trying to grow in this department right now. When my husband proposes a compromise, I become racked with guilt. I like to see him fully and completely happy. Knowing that he isn't is hard for me. I still have to find the middle ground.
Middle ground to me is the land where we are both happy with the decision. I am still going to try to find that. I have faith we will find it.
So, to myself 8 years ago, thank you for making the choices you did. You have grown, and learned to love yourself.
All my love,
Shae

6 months later...

I can't believe that it has been 6 months since we got married. I still feel incredibly lucky to have gotten a second chance at true love. I honestly had no idea what I was missing out on before. Every day I love this man more than I ever thought I would be capable of loving another human being. 

It's incredible to me how much we have both grown in this marriage. Partnership is an amazing journey, and I am loving every moment of it!  

We are hoping in the next year to start our family, pay off some debt, and buy a home. Thankfully, I have him by my side to accomplish these dreams we have. I couldn't have chosen a better companion for me to take on this adventure.

Yesterday, I had to call my ex about something. Part of me was super nervous to do it. I waited until Steve was home, and he sat with me as I made that phone call. It gave me all the confidence I needed to actually dial the number, instead of putting it off like I had for some time now. 

My hubby held my hand through that phone call, and I wondered why I had put it off. It wasn't that bad. I just believe that I have everything I could possibly need or want with him by my side. 

6 months later, I still know without a shadow of a doubt that I am now married to the person I was always supposed to be married to. I am just so glad he wants to be married to me! 

Love you Steve!

All my love,

Shae