Focus mostly on what you put in to your body. If you are putting crap in your body, it won't really matter what you do to exercise. Take good care of yourself! And just for fun, here is a workout for you! Try something new today!
Much love!
~Shae~
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Step 6: Take care of your health
A lot of people when they are going through a big change in their life let their health slide, or they take control of it. I know that when I focus on taking care of my body, I do much better. The first few months after *Gabe and I separated, I didn't care. I ate whatever I wanted and didn't work out. After a couple of months of that, I had put some weight on, and I wasn't very happy with that. I recommitted to my health, and I have lost 18 lbs since I have done that. I am currently at the weight I was when I got married. I still have about 42 to go to reach my personal goal, but I can get there. In a previous post I mentioned I wanted to lose 20 before I leave for my trip to Brazil. I still do! I am going to do everything I can that is healthy to lose that weight before I leave. We will be taking family pictures, and I am going to take a million with my nephews while I am there!
Focus mostly on what you put in to your body. If you are putting crap in your body, it won't really matter what you do to exercise. Take good care of yourself! And just for fun, here is a workout for you! Try something new today!
Cardio Barre is something I really want to get into! Who doesn't want a dancer's body?
Much love!
~Shae~
Focus mostly on what you put in to your body. If you are putting crap in your body, it won't really matter what you do to exercise. Take good care of yourself! And just for fun, here is a workout for you! Try something new today!
Much love!
~Shae~
Step 5: Don't be afraid to cry
When you are going through a major change in your life, whether it is a marriage, a break up, the end of something or the beginning of something, don't be afraid of feeling every emotion that comes into your body. Cry tears of sadness, cry tears of joy, jump up and down, be silly, be sad. Feel everything. It is the only way you can keep track of how you are truly doing. Don't bury your feelings.
Recently, I have lost a lot of people in my life, either by their choice or mine. I know that I have felt each one of them leave. Just tonight I had a dear friend decide to leave my life. I am sitting here crying as I type this post, because I am letting myself feel everything. This person has been wonderful to me, and I am sad that they have chosen to leave. I want them to be happy, and I will respect their wishes.
Feeling every emotion as I have gone through this divorce has been part of what I have needed to go through. Don't be afraid of the emotions you feel. You need to feel them to remember you are alive.
Live my friends, live.
Here is a song that reminds me I'm alive! Journey - Don't Stop Believing Enjoy!
~Shae~
Recently, I have lost a lot of people in my life, either by their choice or mine. I know that I have felt each one of them leave. Just tonight I had a dear friend decide to leave my life. I am sitting here crying as I type this post, because I am letting myself feel everything. This person has been wonderful to me, and I am sad that they have chosen to leave. I want them to be happy, and I will respect their wishes.
Feeling every emotion as I have gone through this divorce has been part of what I have needed to go through. Don't be afraid of the emotions you feel. You need to feel them to remember you are alive.
Live my friends, live.
Here is a song that reminds me I'm alive! Journey - Don't Stop Believing Enjoy!
~Shae~
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Step 4: Remove Toxic People
So, when you are going through a major change, you should only be surrounding yourself with supportive, loving people. If someone is dragging you down, or dragging you into their own personal drama, I call them "Black Holes". You can only handle so many of those in you life.
I highly recommend going through your friend list on Facebook, and to hide the statuses of the negative people from your news feed. You want to be surrounding yourself with positive thoughts. I'm not saying unfriend them or anything. I just know that when you are constantly hearing negative things, it's harder to not look at the negative in your life instead of the positive.
We all have that friend that we know we shouldn't have. The one that we really don't like to spend time with, because you know that they just want to sit and complain about all of the wonderful things in their life, and drag you down in the process. Now is as good of a time as any to let that person go. You are making changes in your life, and it is time to take care of you, not them. It may sound a little selfish like that, but you need to be taking care of you to the best of you ability. If they aren't helping on the journey, it's time to let them go.
I have recently done this. My stress level is much lower, and I feel much better overall.
Good luck!
~Shae~
I highly recommend going through your friend list on Facebook, and to hide the statuses of the negative people from your news feed. You want to be surrounding yourself with positive thoughts. I'm not saying unfriend them or anything. I just know that when you are constantly hearing negative things, it's harder to not look at the negative in your life instead of the positive.
We all have that friend that we know we shouldn't have. The one that we really don't like to spend time with, because you know that they just want to sit and complain about all of the wonderful things in their life, and drag you down in the process. Now is as good of a time as any to let that person go. You are making changes in your life, and it is time to take care of you, not them. It may sound a little selfish like that, but you need to be taking care of you to the best of you ability. If they aren't helping on the journey, it's time to let them go.
I have recently done this. My stress level is much lower, and I feel much better overall.
Good luck!
~Shae~
Monday, September 16, 2013
Step 3: Have a good support group!
I don't know that I could have started over in the way that I have without my amazing support group. Having support when you are going through major life changes is an absolute necessity!
There are several classifications of support. They are as follows.
1. Family
I have one of the most amazing families on the planet. My parents have been more than supportive of all of my decisions in my life. When I told them I was going to separate from *Gabe, they asked what they needed to do, if I wanted them there, etc. Then when I asked to come home, they were more than helpful and supportive. They have helped me in every way, shape, and form humanly possible. One night I was having a really rough night, it was like midnight or so, and I heard someone awake upstairs. I sent a text to my mom's phone, and thankfully she was the one up. I asked her to come downstairs and talk with me, and she came right down, and talked for a little over a half an hour. She stayed up to help me work through it. I am truly blessed to have the family I do.
My older brother and his family live over 6,000 miles away, and they are still there to support me. My sister in law sent me the most beautiful message the day I separated from Gabe. I would share it if it weren't so personal and special to me. She just really helped me have hope in my future. She is amazing. I can't wait to go and see them soon.
My little brother has really become my buddy. We drove together on a family road trip, we go to movies together, and we just hang out and talk. It's great to have him around. He helps me chill out when I don't know how to sometimes.
2. Besties
So, I am blessed to have several besties in my life. These are listed in no particular order, because they are all equally important to me.
Reggie is the person that became my refuge the first couple of months. Any time I was feeling alone, or that I needed to get out of my house, he was someone that I could call, and he would drop everything and spend time with me. We did a lot of watching movies, and eating out, and just chilling. It was really what I needed.
Carrie was my voice of reason. She was one of the people that helped me have the courage to leave Gabe. She always told me that I deserved better, and she always makes me feel amazing. I feel as if her family has taken me in as one of their own. We all had a girls night together, and it was a blast!
Amber was my hope. She had remained single all of these years, and recently got engaged to a wonderful man. She has helped me have hope that I won't be the crazy cat lady in whatever neighborhood that I ended up in. She has helped me stay busy as well as she has been planning her wedding, and we have had maid of honor dress shopping trips and girls nights.
Kristin has been my late night correspondent. She is up late like me, and I don't feel bad messaging her or talking with her late at night. I don't know what I would have done without her some nights.
3. Close Friends
I have several other close friends that I can confide in as needed as well. There are too many to list them specifically, but they know who they are. They help me get out of my own head, and get out of the house, and I love them all for it.
4. New Friends
As Gabe and I spent more time apart, I have made some wonderful new friends. Some of them have been through divorces themselves, and others have just been great crying shoulders and listening ears. They also help me have a new life and they enjoy the same things as me, so that is super helpful. Again, they know who they are, so I won't list their names.
5. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ (Or whatever higher power you may believe in)
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would still be in my marriage with Gabe had it not been for my Father in Heaven letting me know that it was time to leave. Without my religion to lean on, I would be totally and completely lost, and most likely miserable. I know that my faith has helped me stay positive and find the happiness that I can have. My religion has always been a constant for me in my life, and I love being a part of my faith.
Needless to say, my support group is vast, and I value each and every one of them! I don't know what I would do without them. Build your own support group in your life. We all need them whether we are happy, sad, or just changing things up.
~Shae~
There are several classifications of support. They are as follows.
1. Family
I have one of the most amazing families on the planet. My parents have been more than supportive of all of my decisions in my life. When I told them I was going to separate from *Gabe, they asked what they needed to do, if I wanted them there, etc. Then when I asked to come home, they were more than helpful and supportive. They have helped me in every way, shape, and form humanly possible. One night I was having a really rough night, it was like midnight or so, and I heard someone awake upstairs. I sent a text to my mom's phone, and thankfully she was the one up. I asked her to come downstairs and talk with me, and she came right down, and talked for a little over a half an hour. She stayed up to help me work through it. I am truly blessed to have the family I do.
My older brother and his family live over 6,000 miles away, and they are still there to support me. My sister in law sent me the most beautiful message the day I separated from Gabe. I would share it if it weren't so personal and special to me. She just really helped me have hope in my future. She is amazing. I can't wait to go and see them soon.
My little brother has really become my buddy. We drove together on a family road trip, we go to movies together, and we just hang out and talk. It's great to have him around. He helps me chill out when I don't know how to sometimes.
2. Besties
So, I am blessed to have several besties in my life. These are listed in no particular order, because they are all equally important to me.
Reggie is the person that became my refuge the first couple of months. Any time I was feeling alone, or that I needed to get out of my house, he was someone that I could call, and he would drop everything and spend time with me. We did a lot of watching movies, and eating out, and just chilling. It was really what I needed.
Carrie was my voice of reason. She was one of the people that helped me have the courage to leave Gabe. She always told me that I deserved better, and she always makes me feel amazing. I feel as if her family has taken me in as one of their own. We all had a girls night together, and it was a blast!
Amber was my hope. She had remained single all of these years, and recently got engaged to a wonderful man. She has helped me have hope that I won't be the crazy cat lady in whatever neighborhood that I ended up in. She has helped me stay busy as well as she has been planning her wedding, and we have had maid of honor dress shopping trips and girls nights.
Kristin has been my late night correspondent. She is up late like me, and I don't feel bad messaging her or talking with her late at night. I don't know what I would have done without her some nights.
3. Close Friends
I have several other close friends that I can confide in as needed as well. There are too many to list them specifically, but they know who they are. They help me get out of my own head, and get out of the house, and I love them all for it.
4. New Friends
As Gabe and I spent more time apart, I have made some wonderful new friends. Some of them have been through divorces themselves, and others have just been great crying shoulders and listening ears. They also help me have a new life and they enjoy the same things as me, so that is super helpful. Again, they know who they are, so I won't list their names.
5. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ (Or whatever higher power you may believe in)
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would still be in my marriage with Gabe had it not been for my Father in Heaven letting me know that it was time to leave. Without my religion to lean on, I would be totally and completely lost, and most likely miserable. I know that my faith has helped me stay positive and find the happiness that I can have. My religion has always been a constant for me in my life, and I love being a part of my faith.
Needless to say, my support group is vast, and I value each and every one of them! I don't know what I would do without them. Build your own support group in your life. We all need them whether we are happy, sad, or just changing things up.
~Shae~
Step 2: Have a theme song!
You know how everyone seems to connect with certain songs at certain points in their life? I like to believe that it is a theme song. Songs and lyrics can speak in ways that are powerful and move us. They also move other people as well.
As I have been going through this journey, I have had several theme songs.
Theme Song #1 Part of Me - Katy Perry
When I first separated from *Gabe, I felt liberated. I wanted to shove all of my feelings in his face, and tell him that I am me, and he doesn't have anything to do with that anymore. This was the song that said that perfectly.
Theme Song #2 Brave - Josh Groban
After I moved home, there were days where I didn't even want to get out of bed. I was feeling like a failure, and that the world was judging me because I was getting divorced. My mom played this song for me, and it really helped me! I listened to it in the shower every day for quite a while. I still love when it pops up.
Theme Song #3 Done - The Band Perry
As the divorce process was continuing, Gabe started to be difficult and drag things out. One day, I was in my car, and I heard this song. I rolled down the windows, cranked it up, and felt every word of it. By the second time I heard it, I could sing every word. Any time I heard it, I belted it out no matter who was in the car with me. Some friends would just laugh at me and let me go, and others would join in.
Theme Song #4 Roar - Katy Perry
This is my current theme song. Katy Perry went through a very public divorce, so I guess I feel I can relate to her lyrics in a way that I didn't feel I could before. This song gives the the courage to attack every day with confidence and a smile, because I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!
Find your theme song! Everyone needs one! Feel free to enjoy all of these as well!
~Shae~
As I have been going through this journey, I have had several theme songs.
Theme Song #1 Part of Me - Katy Perry
When I first separated from *Gabe, I felt liberated. I wanted to shove all of my feelings in his face, and tell him that I am me, and he doesn't have anything to do with that anymore. This was the song that said that perfectly.
Theme Song #2 Brave - Josh Groban
After I moved home, there were days where I didn't even want to get out of bed. I was feeling like a failure, and that the world was judging me because I was getting divorced. My mom played this song for me, and it really helped me! I listened to it in the shower every day for quite a while. I still love when it pops up.
Theme Song #3 Done - The Band Perry
As the divorce process was continuing, Gabe started to be difficult and drag things out. One day, I was in my car, and I heard this song. I rolled down the windows, cranked it up, and felt every word of it. By the second time I heard it, I could sing every word. Any time I heard it, I belted it out no matter who was in the car with me. Some friends would just laugh at me and let me go, and others would join in.
Theme Song #4 Roar - Katy Perry
This is my current theme song. Katy Perry went through a very public divorce, so I guess I feel I can relate to her lyrics in a way that I didn't feel I could before. This song gives the the courage to attack every day with confidence and a smile, because I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!
Find your theme song! Everyone needs one! Feel free to enjoy all of these as well!
~Shae~
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Step 1: TRAVEL!!!
So, I have done a little more traveling and taking time off of work the last few months, and it has really been a blessing for me. I have gone to Logan a few times with friends, and it has been wonderful. Sunday, my family purchased our tickets to go to Brazil for Thanksgiving! I am so excited to go and visit my brother and his family. I will be gone almost 2.5 weeks. It will be so nice to get out of my own head, and get some cuddle time in with 3 special boys that live too far away! I hope they think of me as a cool aunt, or a good aunt. I know I am just the aunt in the computer to them right now, but I really hope that changes while I am down there. I am going to be taking SO MANY PICTURES it's not even funny!
Now, it's time to get camera ready!
~Shae~
Now, it's time to get camera ready!
~Shae~
What I Have Learned
So, why did I start this blog?
Well, I currently have 32 days left until my divorce is final. I have been separated from my soon to be ex husband since February 10, 2013. We lived together for 5 years, 2 months, and 10 days. I asked him to move out. It initially started as a separation. The longer we were apart, the more it confirmed that we needed to stay apart. We wanted different things out of life, and it just took us that long to truly realize that. I moved home to my parents place in early March, and our divorce will be finalized in about a month's time.
This period of time we have been apart has been a rough one on me. I have felt very lonely at times, tried to make new friends, and have lost most of those new friends I have made. I know what I want now, and I am not going to settle for less. Some of the new friends I have made wanted to have a romantic tie to me once the divorce was final. I let them know that I had no interest pretty early on once I got to know them better, but they still had hope. I hated letting them go, but I knew it was what was best for me.
I needed somewhere safe that I could talk about what was going on with me, and all of the things I want to do with this new opportunity in my life.
But before I talk about that, I want to share 5 things I have learned from my marriage to *Gabe.
1. There is no need to yell.
Gabe and I did a lot of yelling in our relationship over things that didn't matter. There was really no need for either of us to be raising our voices. Yelling can be very damaging and very toxic in a marriage. Try to avoid it at all costs.
2. Physical Intimacy is important.
In our marriage, I think this was one area that helped hold us together as long as we did. It was his way of expressing his love to me, and I understood that. Never take this part of your marriage for granted. Whether it is just holding hands out in public, or what you do behind closed doors, it is important and necessary. Listen to your partner, and share in that.
3. Surround yourself with good people.
There was a couple that we spent a lot of time with in our marriage. They themselves were in a toxic marriage full of problems, yelling, and a lack of physical intimacy. It got to a point where I realized this, and Gabe didn't. I pulled away from said friends, but he couldn't. They lived close by, so Gabe would go over if I was at work, or whatever had me away from the house. I would get home, give him a call, and ask him to come home. Sometimes he would, and sometimes he wouldn't. It became a sore spot in our marriage, and caused unnecessary friction in a tough spot.
4. Have common hobbies.
When you have things to do together that get you both out of the house, it is easy to have something to talk about at home. Gabe and I shared dancing together, and it was good for us. When going dancing becamhim more talking to his friends than dancing as a couple, then it wasn't as much of a common hobby. I wish we had done more things together.
5. Take a long trip once a year.
This is one thing we only did twice in our 5 years together. The trips we took were great, and we came home to a better working relationship. Sometimes, you just need to get out of your surroundings and get out of your own head. It can take 2-3 days of being away from work and family to really relax and enjoy, so that is why I say a long trip. 5-7 days away somewhere you both want to go, and share in an adventure. Gabe and I didn't make this a priority, and I wish I would have.
Gabe is a good man, and will find the kind of woman that can give him exactly what he needs. I know that I can find a man to fulfill my needs too. I wish him all the luck in his life, and still love him as a friend.
So, for now, on to new adventures!
~Shae~
*Names changed for their privacy
Well, I currently have 32 days left until my divorce is final. I have been separated from my soon to be ex husband since February 10, 2013. We lived together for 5 years, 2 months, and 10 days. I asked him to move out. It initially started as a separation. The longer we were apart, the more it confirmed that we needed to stay apart. We wanted different things out of life, and it just took us that long to truly realize that. I moved home to my parents place in early March, and our divorce will be finalized in about a month's time.
This period of time we have been apart has been a rough one on me. I have felt very lonely at times, tried to make new friends, and have lost most of those new friends I have made. I know what I want now, and I am not going to settle for less. Some of the new friends I have made wanted to have a romantic tie to me once the divorce was final. I let them know that I had no interest pretty early on once I got to know them better, but they still had hope. I hated letting them go, but I knew it was what was best for me.
I needed somewhere safe that I could talk about what was going on with me, and all of the things I want to do with this new opportunity in my life.
But before I talk about that, I want to share 5 things I have learned from my marriage to *Gabe.
1. There is no need to yell.
Gabe and I did a lot of yelling in our relationship over things that didn't matter. There was really no need for either of us to be raising our voices. Yelling can be very damaging and very toxic in a marriage. Try to avoid it at all costs.
2. Physical Intimacy is important.
In our marriage, I think this was one area that helped hold us together as long as we did. It was his way of expressing his love to me, and I understood that. Never take this part of your marriage for granted. Whether it is just holding hands out in public, or what you do behind closed doors, it is important and necessary. Listen to your partner, and share in that.
3. Surround yourself with good people.
There was a couple that we spent a lot of time with in our marriage. They themselves were in a toxic marriage full of problems, yelling, and a lack of physical intimacy. It got to a point where I realized this, and Gabe didn't. I pulled away from said friends, but he couldn't. They lived close by, so Gabe would go over if I was at work, or whatever had me away from the house. I would get home, give him a call, and ask him to come home. Sometimes he would, and sometimes he wouldn't. It became a sore spot in our marriage, and caused unnecessary friction in a tough spot.
4. Have common hobbies.
When you have things to do together that get you both out of the house, it is easy to have something to talk about at home. Gabe and I shared dancing together, and it was good for us. When going dancing becamhim more talking to his friends than dancing as a couple, then it wasn't as much of a common hobby. I wish we had done more things together.
5. Take a long trip once a year.
This is one thing we only did twice in our 5 years together. The trips we took were great, and we came home to a better working relationship. Sometimes, you just need to get out of your surroundings and get out of your own head. It can take 2-3 days of being away from work and family to really relax and enjoy, so that is why I say a long trip. 5-7 days away somewhere you both want to go, and share in an adventure. Gabe and I didn't make this a priority, and I wish I would have.
Gabe is a good man, and will find the kind of woman that can give him exactly what he needs. I know that I can find a man to fulfill my needs too. I wish him all the luck in his life, and still love him as a friend.
So, for now, on to new adventures!
~Shae~
*Names changed for their privacy
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