What I Have Learned

So, why did I start this blog?

Well, I currently have 32 days left until my divorce is final.  I have been separated from my soon to be ex husband since February 10, 2013.  We lived together for 5 years, 2 months, and 10 days.  I asked him to move out.  It initially started as a separation.  The longer we were apart, the more it confirmed that we needed to stay apart.  We wanted different things out of life, and it just took us that long to truly realize that.  I moved home to my parents place in early March, and our divorce will be finalized in about a month's time.
This period of time we have been apart has been a rough one on me.  I have felt very lonely at times, tried to make new friends, and have lost most of those new friends I have made.  I know what I want now, and I am not going to settle for less.  Some of the new friends I have made wanted to have a romantic tie to me once the divorce was final.  I let them know that I had no interest pretty early on once I got to know them better, but they still had hope.  I hated letting them go, but I knew it was what was best for me.

I needed somewhere safe that I could talk about what was going on with me, and all of the things I want to do with this new opportunity in my life.

But before I talk about that, I want to share 5 things I have learned from my marriage to *Gabe.

1. There is no need to yell.
Gabe and I did a lot of yelling in our relationship over things that didn't matter.  There was really no need for either of us to be raising our voices.  Yelling can be very damaging and very toxic in a marriage.  Try to avoid it at all costs.
2. Physical Intimacy is important.
In our marriage, I think this was one area that helped hold us together as long as we did.  It was his way of expressing his love to me, and I understood that. Never take this part of your marriage for granted.  Whether it is just holding hands out in public, or what you do behind closed doors, it is important and necessary.  Listen to your partner, and share in that.
3. Surround yourself with good people.
There was a couple that we spent a lot of time with in our marriage.  They themselves were in a toxic marriage full of problems, yelling, and a lack of physical intimacy.  It got to a point where I realized this, and Gabe didn't.  I pulled away from said friends, but he couldn't.  They lived close by, so Gabe would go over if I was at work, or whatever had me away from the house.  I would get home, give him a call, and ask him to come home.  Sometimes he would, and sometimes he wouldn't.  It became a sore spot in our marriage, and caused unnecessary friction in a tough spot.
4. Have common hobbies.
When you have things to do together that get you both out of the house, it is easy to have something to talk about at home.  Gabe and I shared dancing together, and it was good for us.  When going dancing becamhim more talking to his friends than dancing as a couple, then it wasn't as much of a common hobby.  I wish we had done more things together.
5. Take a long trip once a year.
This is one thing we only did twice in our 5 years together.  The trips we took were great, and we came home to a better working relationship.  Sometimes, you just need to get out of your surroundings and get out of your own head.  It can take 2-3 days of being away from work and family to really relax and enjoy, so that is why I say a long trip. 5-7 days away somewhere you both want to go, and share in an adventure.  Gabe and I didn't make this a priority, and I wish I would have.

Gabe is a good man, and will find the kind of woman that can give him exactly what he needs.  I know that I can find a man to fulfill my needs too.  I wish him all the luck in his life, and still love him as a friend.

So, for now, on to new adventures!

~Shae~

*Names changed for their privacy