As of October 22, I am a single woman. I am no longer married to my ex, the process is done. It is kind of freeing to know that it is over, and it is time to move on. It truly feels like the weight on my shoulders is gone, and I can immerse myself back into "single life."
Today I came across a blog post. It was titled "Marriage isn't for you." With that title, I became curious, and had to read more. The article went on to talk about how when you marry someone, it isn't for yourself, it is for them. I took a portion of the article that was very important to me to share with you tonight.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raisethem? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
Here is a link to the rest of the article for you to read.
After reading this, I got to thinking about, and his dad was right. I married my ex to make him happy. I wanted a family with him. I thought with the experiences he had been through, he would be a strong companion in raising children.
As our marriage went on, I realized that he was a completely different man that I thought he was when I married him. I felt that I gave him everything I had, and I tried to do everything in my power to make him happy. Working multiple jobs, trying to keep the house clean, and trying to go out and do things as often as he wanted and was accustomed to. I don't feel that I failed in my marriage.
That may sound weird to some. If I didn't fail, why am I divorced? Well, it got to a point, where I was looking at the man he had become, and he wasn't the kind of man that could help me in the ways I needed in raising a family.I was looking out for my future family. They need someone with a kind and gentle heart, not someone who is quick to anger. A gentle giant if you will, to raise children with me.
Is that selfish? Possibly. But if I am going to be selfish in anything, I think being selfish in making sure my family has the best future possible isn't a bad thing. I care so deeply for the children that I am supposed to mother already, that I just want them to come into a good home with loving parents.
I am extremely blessed with 2 loving parents, that still cuddle at the movies, and hold hands when they are walking most places. They still giggle at inside jokes and kiss in the kitchen, and I am in my late 20's. They have been married 30+ years, and I only hope I get as lucky the next go around.
Do I still believe in marriage? Yes, totally and completely. Marriage is a beautiful partnership between two willing people. I believe that my Mr Wonderful is out there. I will find him someday. Maybe I've met him and don't know it yet, I don't know. I just know that Forever is a long time, and I am looking for not just someone, but the right someone.
You love when I post a song at the end. I want to feel this way about my future husband. Except for the couple of feminine references of course! ;)
All my love,
Shae
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