Words for the soul

So, about 2 years ago when I was facing my eating struggles, I read somewhere that it was good to write down quotes that inspire you.  Since then, I have become a quote JUNKIE!!  I have notebooks full of quotes.  I use them also as a journal, because the quotes I write down echo what is going on currently in my life, which is why they inspire me so much. I try to make my quote pages pretty, and my journal pages more plain, so that when you are easily thumbing through, you can quickly tell the difference between the pages.

Tonight as I spoke with one of my friends who is going through some rough stuff, I recommended that they do the same thing.  Doing this has been very therapeutic for me.  It helped me learn to have hope in a happy life again when I thought it was too far away.  I helped me gain some perspective of what I was going through in my life.  Lately I have been able to use this particular quote book as a help for others as they are going through things.
Writing it down is also better than just saving it.  It helps your mind retain it better. Find the words you can't express in a quote, and write it down.  I used this as my beacon of hope, to guide me through the dark days, and now I am helping others do the same thing.
Pinterest is a wonderful avenue in finding many quotes.  I also love to follow Matt Townsend (www.matttownsend.com) on his forms of social media.  His quotes are wonderful!  I follow him currently on facebook and instagram.  Find who inspires you, and find quotes by them, or through them.

All my love,
Shae

Can't Sleep

So, lately I have been stressing more about things in my life.  I stress more about my financial situation, I stress about other people in my life, I stress that I am going to be a burden to others, and so on and so forth.  I know waking up to an extra $200 taken from my account I wasn't expecting was a pleasant surprise this morning. (NOT!!)  That's probably part of why I can't sleep.  I feel defeated.

I think we all have these moments in life, where it feels like we will never meet our own expectations we set for ourselves. I know I hit that point today.  I work hard for everything I have in life.  I have an amazing supportive family who has been more than willing to help out when I had done everything I could, and still couldn't quite make it.  I don't want to have to rely on them. I have relied on them too much as it is.
When my ex and I decided to divorce, I thought it would be the best option to take on the debt, and have him pay his half of it to me, knowing that the payments would always be made. Little did I know the added stress it would bring into my life.  There wasn't a way to divide it up better, and I really wish there was. I feel like I am barely floating above water half of the time.
So, what I did, is I became proactive.  I went and got another job. (It is temporary for the time being, but I would truly love to stay on more permanently. I really like what I am doing.) I also started working at another place where I am busier doing cosmetology than my last place.  It is much closer to where I live, and I feel I have been busier and more successful there. I am hoping these changes will make a bigger impact in me being able to keep my head above water.
I worry that these stresses of mine will effect my current relationship.  He has said he is fine with the fact that I have this debt, but I don't want to burden him with it.  That's not fair to him. He is an amazing, responsible human being, and I never want the mistakes of my past to effect him, or us. I love him too much to do that to him.
I know a lot of this is coming out because I am tired and can't sleep, but I also know that I feel this more than I will voice.  Generally I keep this blog very positive, and about all of the good things going on in my life.  I guess it's time you see that my life isn't perfect.  It is really quite wonderfun 97% of the time, but I do have these moments, where I just feel overwhelmed and beaten down by my situation.
We are all human, and we can feel defeated by anything.  What I am going to go and do now, is rely on my Savior, to help me figure all of this out, at least to the point where I can get some decent sleep. I would much rather do that than binge on gross food that I know I don't need.

All my love,
Shae

Plan A

Today, I had the opportunity of attending a Women's Conference in my YSA Stake. It was such a beautiful message that all of the sisters had to share.  I felt impressed to share some of what I learned.

The first break out class I went to was taught by my bishop's wife. She is a wonderful lady, and I don't get many opportunities to listen to her truly teach, so I went to her class.  She talked about being patient with the Lord's timing. In our culture, we get a plan of what our lives are supposed to be like. The Lord can see our time line constantly, and knows exactly where we are going.  There are certain dates on The Lord's calendar, that will be special events in our lives.  If we do all that he asks of us, we will be prepared for those wonderful moments in our lives.  She gave us a list of questions towards the end, that were very thought provoking.  I enjoyed going through them and asking them pertaining to my life.

The second class I went to was taught by author Emily Freeman.  This class was about Discovering our Diving Potential.  She used Peter as an example of where we can go, and how we can discover who we are at the point we are at in life.  It was truly a beautiful class.

We then closed with our keynote speaker, Laurel Christensen Day, who is a phenomenal woman.  She got married for the first time almost a year ago, and she is 42.  She talked about how she thought she had her "Plan A" for life planned out when she was 14.  Who she was going to marry, how many kids, etc.  By high school, she was on "Plan M" or whatever, and by college she was on "Plan Alpha, Mega, Whatever."  I think we as girls/women go through this process. As you can see, her initial, "Plan A" was not what God had in store for her.  Little did she know until about a year and a half ago, that she was on God's "Plan A" all along.  We are all still on "Plan A"!  It may not be in the time line we thought, or come to us in a way that we thought it would, but it is still "Plan A" because it is God's plan for us.

These lessons were important to me.  I truly needed to hear each and every one of them.

A year ago, I thought my "Plan A" was gone forever.  I needed that perspective in that meeting.  I know now, that I had to go through what I have been through to appreciate all of the good I have in my life.  I have a loving family, 2 wonderful jobs that I enjoy doing, and a man who loves me. "Plan A" is pretty awesome right now.  Life isn't always pretty and perfect, but it is still a glorious journey.

Remember, you are still in "Plan A"!  Be your best self, and be "actively waiting" for the results of your "Plan A."

All my love,
Shae

Kissing in the Rain

**WARNING!!! SAPPY POST AHEAD!!!**

Some of the most iconic romantic movies have a moment where your leading man and leading woman kiss in the rain. Some people look at this and think, "That looks uncomfortable" while others say, "That is so romantic"!  I am one of the latter, being a hopeless romantic most of the time.  When I think of kisses in the rain, the first move I think of is Breakfast at Tiffany's. This moment happens at the end of the movie, when Holly Golightly starts to discover who she is, and what she wants. She has misplaced her cat, and is looking for it in the rain storm.  She finds "Cat" and realizes she is in love with this man, and they kiss.  It is a wonderful, heartwarming moment, that is part of the reason why I adore Audrey Hepburn!

The next one I think of is Sweet Home Alabama.  Again, this moment happens at the end of the movie. She spends the whole movie thinking she wanted one thing, when in the end, she wanted something completely different.  I am starting to notice a pattern here... Are you?

There seems to be something about a woman discovering who she is again, and then experiencing a romantic kiss in the rain. Tonight, I was lucky enough to have that moment.  It was sweet, it was tender, and I felt like he and I were the only 2 people on the planet.  In that moment, it was just the two of us, and I am so grateful and so lucky to have him.  He is so special to me, and he makes me feel so special.  I feel loved and cherished more than I ever thought humanly possible.  Every day is a blessing with Steve in my life. 

I have a feeling these kind of moments will continue, because this isn't the first moment I have felt like this with him.  This is just the first one where we kissed in the rain, and it felt so romantic.

I love you Steve!  Thanks for putting up with silly me!

Shae

Excitement!

There are periods of time in our lives when things are exciting.  New friendship, new job, new relationship, school, new baby, whatever.  We all have those moments in life.  What happens when the initial excitement is over?  Does your attitude towards it change?

Today I spent some time with one of my dearest friends, Amber.  I remember being so excited to spend time with her when we first became friends.  As happens with most long lasting friendships, (or relationships) we have had our ups and downs over the years.  As time has passed, that initial excitement went away.  I don't feel my attitude towards my relationship with Amber ever changed.

While I was married, I didn't get to see her as much. I was focusing on nourishing (and trying to save) my marriage, while she was a single young woman who was still looking for her happily ever after. Since I split from my ex, I noticed that I became excited to spend time with her again, almost as much as when we were young.  She entered into a relationship, and wasn't able to spend as much time with me, because she was nourishing and cultivating (and trying to save) that relationship.  Today I got the feeling that she was excited to see me, almost as much as I was to see her.  She's an amazing person, and I love that we have been friends for 17 years.  We saw 2 ladies that were probably in their 70's when we were at the movie, and we both started laughing.  We feel that will be us in 40 or so years, still going to see silly movies together as long as we live in close proximity of each other.

What I am trying to articulate here, is that you don't have to lose the excitement.  Yes, sometimes the inital excitement will wear off, just because it is no longer new.  But when it comes down to it, it is about what we put into it. Life in general is as exciting as we want it to be. Keeping things positive, makes it easy to see how exciting life can be.

The term "YOLO" gets thrown around a lot these days, and sometimes I think people use it as an excuse to behave however they want to.  You Only Live Once (for those not in the know) can be used  constructively. It's a reminder that you will only live that day one time.  Why not make it fun, positive, and as exciting as you can? I know that in a small way, I live a YOLO lifestyle.  I rarely neglect my responsibilites, (I'm not perfect after all,) but I live every day to the fullest, and try to be as positive as I can.  Am I perfect at this every day? No.  There are some days, where it doesn't matter how hard you try, it's just not going to happen.  There will be days when it is easy to be excited, like Christmas, your birthday, or a vacation.  It's all part of this crazy journey we call life.

Do what you can to live an exciting life my friends!

All my love,
Shae

Noticeable Changes

So, lately in my life, people keep telling me that I look great, and some say better than I ever have. I hadn't taken much notice in that until now to be totally and completely honest.  My aunt made a comment on my Facebook recently that got me looking at who I am. 

I have never felt like the glamorous girl that all the guys want.  I'm a "bigger" girl, so I have never personally felt that way.  So, I got looking at my life, and what had changed in it.  The only thing that I can think of, is that I am happier than I have been in a VERY long time.  I almost forgot what this girl looks like.

So, I was reminded of this particular Audrey Hepburn quote.  More and more I am realizing that this is true.  I am happier, I am more confident, and I really feel beautiful most days.  I can't say that of every day, but I don't know a woman out there that can honestly say they feel that every day.  They may say it, but I don't know that they always feel it. 

As in my last post, I also think that I know better who I am now, and I am also with someone who is amazing, and understands that.  We are still learning about each other of course, but I also know that he knows me better that I know myself some days.  I love learning new things about myself, and new things that I like. So, to those out there who want to have a noticeable change in their countenance, find your happy place.  Learn more about who you are. Embrace your awesomeness!

So, even though I am not a stereotypical beauty, I am a beautiful woman, who deserves to live a full and happy life. I'm sad it has taken me this long to figure that out, but at the same time, I wouldn't change the journey I have had, because it would have altered me.  I don't know that I would be as grateful for the good in my life if I hadn't had to struggle for it. 

All my love, 

Shae

Being Shae Shae

So, for the first time in a really super long time, I feel like I know who I am.  I feel like I know what I need in my life to help me be happy. I feel like I have balance, and I feel extremely blessed to lead the life that I do every day.  Opportunities have been presented to me to make my life more sound financially.  I have less stress than I have in years, and I am genuinely happy.

It took me a while to learn who I was again after my divorce. I was lost, and I had given so much of myself away to my ex husband, that I didn't know who I was as a grown woman. Over the last year, I have made some great strides in doing so. I feel that anyone who goes through any sort of major life change faces this issue.

So, what I did, was I started to figure out the things that made me happiest.  I loved going out with my friends, going dancing, and just being me. I let loose a bit. I knew that my religion was a big part of my life that made me happy.  I served in my church calling, I worked a lot, and met lots of new people.  It's funny, because a lot of those people, I'm not that close to anymore.  The more time I spent with them, the more I realized that I wanted to surround my life with positive things and people.

The ones that I remained close with, I knew before when I was married.  I kept the people closest to me, and the people who kept me going.  The ones that were causing drama, and constantly dragging me down, I had to let them go.  It was a hard thing.  I had a post a while back about getting rid of toxic people in your life.  It's very true. Once I did that, I continued to do things that I enjoyed, and got involved in a Singles Ward, (which I never dreamed I would want to attend again,) and have made some new positive friends.

Another positive thing was my trip to Brazil.  I believe people should see the world as much as they dare. (I know some people fear flying, but you can see so many places by car!) Getting out of your regular routine is good. It helps you get reacquainted with who you are, and where your priorities really are.  So many of us get caught up in the hustle and bustle of work, that we lose ourselves in our work.  I really want to take a couple of trips this year if at all possible.

I also learned that I love getting lost in the stories of books. Books make me happy, and have let me know who I am, and who I am not.  I am not a Bella from Twilight. I am much more of an Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice.  I believe in manners, and in being treated with respect and dignity.  Thankfully I am blessed with my super amazing boyfriend who is everything I dreamed he could be, and so much more. I want to be independent, yes.  I have a hard time relying on other people sometimes, but I like to have someone at my side who will let me do that when I need to, and will also insist on helping.  That is one of the many things I love about Steve. He gets that part of me, and is supportive of it.

Essentially, I learned that I am not a bad person because my marriage didn't work out.  I learned that I am a wonderful, beautiful person who deserves to be loved and respected. Being Shae Shae is pretty darn amazing most days, and I am grateful for the journey that lead me to that discovery.

I hope everyone knows that they all deserve the same.

All my love,
Shae