Making a house a home.

So, we are FINALLY in our house, and it is wonderful! We are so blessed to have so many people love us enough to sacrifice their Saturday morning to help us move. Now that we are in the house, there is chaos everywhere! This is a natural biproduct of moving, and I noticed it is overwhelming to me.
Yesterday, my mother and Aunt Beth were there, and they helped me focus, so that I could get the majority of the kitchen unpacked. Bit by bit, the chaos is going away as we unpack, and find a new home for our things.
Over the last while, I have been fretting about where I am going to put all of my decorations around the house, to help it feel like a home. A couple of days before the move, I hung up a few things that I knew where I wanted them. One of them was one of my favorite religious pictures, that I have previously posted about. It is the picture of the Savior appearing to the Lamenites.
This particular copy is old, faded, and the frame is a bit outdated. As people came through the house helping us move, several asked me if that picture had been left by the previous owners. I pointed out it was ours, and they all mentioned how they liked it, and another mentioned it was one of their favorites.
Amid the chaos, a picture of the Savior stood out. That is the kind of home I want to have. A home where people can feel the Spirit, and know what our priorities are amid the chaos.
All my love,
Shae

Motherhood

This week has been focused so much on moms, that I felt I needed to take a moment and post about motherhood.
Motherhood is a divine role, that I feel God intended all women to have. Not everyone is blessed enough to have a child of their own. For those who aren't, they make the best aunts, step-moms, and what I like to call "bonus moms".
I couldn't make this post without talking about a few people in particular.
First, let's start with the mothers of my parents.
Grandma E. is almost 92, and one of my many heroes. She put her dukes up to my hubby when they first met, because she is so protective of me. She makes me smile every time I see her. She takes funny selfies with me, and I am so blessed to get to have her as my grandmother.

Grandma B. is a trooper!  She is a strong woman, and I am glad that I get to be her granddaughter. She is independent, and will always be stronger than she thinks she is. I've learned a lot from her, and I look forward to learning more. I hope with all of my heart that my kids will get to meet these 2 wonderful women, as their husbands have passed.
Aunt Janet is one of my bonus moms. She was my resident nurse, and I can still call her anytime. She never gave birth to a daughter, so I got the blessing of feeling like her daughter. She is such an amazing person, and I love and miss her terribly now that she is away.
I start to get tears in my eyes when I think about my sweet mom. She is such an admirable woman. She is hard working, and loves more deeply than someone could possibly imagine until they spend about 10 minutes with her. She is beautiful, and I love that I look like her. She travels the world, and takes silly pictures, just for her hubby and kids. I love when I get some alone time with her. I always learn so much, and she has amazing taste! I will always be grateful to have a mother that loves me so much, no matter what mistakes I have made. I know that I have had my times in my life where I didn't consider her feelings, and I will always try to make that up to her. She has always protected me, but loved me despite bad decisions. I only hope that I can grow into half the woman that she is, because then I would be doing pretty good.

I am grateful to my sister in law Kimie, who is such a good mommy to my nephews. I am grateful for my sister in law Meagan, who does her best to raise 2 step-sons, and is now finally pregnant with her first boy! I am grateful for my sweet friends, who let me be a bonus aunt to their kids. With my nephews so far away, I don't get many opportunities to spend time with little ones. I am grateful to Carrie, Kristin, and Patty, who let me feel like part of their family, and that I have some extra nieces and nephews.
I have yet to have the opportunity to be a mother to my own children. Being a newlywed, sometimes people forget that I was previously married, so when I have tender feelings about not being pregnant, or not having a child, they forget that I spent 5 years as a married woman, 3 1/2 of those years trying to get pregnant, and start my forever family. There has been an article floating around about "The Woman at the Back", which is one woman's story of infertility, and not being able to be a mother to her own children, but how she was able to find her peace with that. I have been the woman at the back now for more than 4 years, and Mother's Day is always a tough day, especially at church. I don't want to take away from the amazing blessing that Motherhood is. Being entrusted by our Heavenly Father to raise a child is a huge, and wonderful responsibility. I know that being a mother isn't always easy, but I know that every minute of it will be worth it if I am ever blessed enough to get that chance.

Motherhood is a wonderful gift. For all of you moms reading this, I am grateful for you and the wonderful children you are raising. I am also envious of you, and hope to have the same chance.
I hope with all of my heart that you won't take this post as me complaining. I live a wonderful life. I just wanted to shed some light on my feelings.
All my love,
Shae

Change is good... right??

Lately in life, there have been a lot of changes. We are moving, I am going to be going back to full time work in June, and our whole balance in life is shifting. It's really overwhelming to me most of the time. It's funny, because 5 years ago, this wouldn't have phased me at all like it is now. I get much more anxious than I used to, and that is in turn, effecting my ability to deal with changes.
At the beginning of this year, I was going to conquer my weight. As the year has gone on, that goal has been put to the side, due to the other major changes going on. Because of that, I have officially reached my highest weight to date, and I am devastated. I never dreamed I would see that number on the scale standing there. I didn't think I was doing so bad. Once I saw that number, I realized that my once healthy habits, have all flown out the window. I want to do nothing more than sit in a corner and cry about it. I've spent more time crying about it than I want to admit.
Today, I painted over the accent walls that I had painted in our little one bedroom apartment to help it feel like home. Now they are white, and I started crying when I saw it. Today, the fact that my entire world is changing hit me, and it overwhelmed me. All of the changes happening around me are a good thing, but they are still change.
The last time I was leaving an apartment to go to a home, was when I moved out of the apartment my ex husband and I had been living in, and moved home with my parents. I have to wonder if that is the bigger source of my anxiety. I didn't feel any of that leaving my parents house to live with Steve, which I am very grateful for. Maybe it's just a delayed reaction. I don't know what to think or feel.
Everyone says change is good. I have to trust in them. I also need to find a way to change my habits when it comes to my health back to the healthy ones. Financially speaking, we are pretty skint for the next couple of months until we find out where all of the bills are going to land, but I need to make some changes now, or I am going to drive myself crazy. Time to figure out some things.
Thanks for reading this. Sometimes I just need to blog for perspective.
All my love,
Shae

A Pants-less Husband is a Happy Husband.

Now, I know that the title is a bit out there, but hear me out.

Through this whole house buying process Steve and I have been going through, I have been thinking about all of the little things that make him so happy.

Now, this information is common knowledge in our family, but people have to call our house before coming over in the evenings. When he likes to relax, he prefers to not have pants on.  I thought his siblings were kidding about that when Steve and I were dating, but I learned once we were married that they really weren't kidding.

In all honesty, it doesn't bother me. If that's how he wants to relax, and how he is most comfortable, more power to him. Once we have children, that will no longer be an option, so I have chosen to let him enjoy this freedom until our family is growing.

That's just one of the little things that make him happy. Another is having an occasional evening to play video games. I know that there is a stigma with the "gaming" type of person. Steve likes to occasionally unwind with a game, which I feel is completely healthy. If he were spending almost every evening, all evening doing that, then yes, I could see there being an issue. This is a once in a while thing, and I don't mind it. It is how he unwinds.

As I was realizing these simple things made him happy, I realized a small thing that made me happy, and helped me unwind... READING!!!

I have been searching all week for something to unwind and help me relax, and I realized that what I was missing was READING!!! It forces me to put myself in another world, and let the journey of the book take me where it needs to for the story. I can't let my mind wander and think about all of the stresses in my life when I am reading. It is my escape.

Tonight, Steve wanted to game, and so I decided I was going to read a bit. It was magnificent! I was able to put my cares away, and just focus on the book. We both got to wind down in ways that we both desperately needed!  We are nearing the end of the buying process, (Please send all good thoughts, prayers, and vibes our way,) and have been too worked up during parts of this process. Now that we both have found ways to wind down, we need to focus our energies on packing! :)

To my sweet, pants-less hubby, thank you for being patient with me through this process, and for being the wonderful, geeky man that you are. It allows me to be the geeky woman that I am, which is my favorite version of myself. You're the best!

All my love,
Shae

Reality Check

I have noticed lately, that I am stressing about things outside of my control. The reason for that, is that I am experiencing a reality check in what it costs to be a home owner. There are so many cute things I want to do to our home to not only personalize it, but increase its future value. 

I love our future home as in, and could move in and be happy with a couple of inexpensive things for practicality sake. To make it my dream home, it would take thousands and thousands of dollars, because it would include some remodeling, replacing appliances, a possible add on, etc.  It doesn't help that HGTV has been very prominent in my viewing lately. (I have been cutting back on that lately, just an FYI for those who are curious.)

I think the biggest part of it, is that I am excited for our new house, and to truly make it our home. Realizing how much everything I want to do is going to cost was quite a reality check. The object now, is to be better at saving money on every day things, maybe picking up some side work, since I will be going full time at my job in June. (It feels like the right time to add some more days to my salon schedule.) Being excited isn't bad. What it comes down to, is becoming more patient in the fact that it will be a process.

Patience has always been a struggle for me. As I have gotten older, my patience level has gotten better. Granted, I still have a VERY LONG way to go, but it has gotten better. Thankfully, I have a very patient man as my partner for the rest of forever. He helps me learn to be more patient, and to be more practical rather than impulsive. I don't ever see myself not being grateful for him. 

So, my reality check is helping me strive to better compartmentalize the stress of what I want to do, and plan for the things that we want as a couple. We want to have a lovely entertaining space. It will take time for it to be exactly what we want it to be. 

Patience is a virtue I am learning to work on.  I am starting to imagine myself as a tree, growing slowly, but becoming beautiful in the process. Though I still have a ways to go to become a big, beautiful tree, I am blooming each year, and growing stronger each year. 

All my love, 

Shae

So, I've Been Thinking.....

My husband has started to dread when I begin a topic of conversation like the title of this blog. I'm sure glad he loves me! But, let's leave that topic for another day.

I have been thinking a lot lately, and lots of things are changing in our lives. We are buying a house, we are hoping to start our family soon, and I am beginning to truly worry about my future.

In my profession of choice for the time being, retirement doesn't exist really. What am I going to do in 20-30 years when I don't want to do hair anymore and I have no retirement? Let's just face the facts and realize that I will never personally see the social security that I pay. (Don't get me wrong, I am just fine paying it, because I know I am helping someone.) Right now, I have nothing put away for any sort of retirement.

Also with my chosen profession, carpal tunnel is a real possibility. What am I going to do if I can't work for a time because of my hands?

SO MUCH THINKING!!!!

I have been highly considering becoming educated in another way to either create my retirement with a side job, maybe become a business owner? The idea of owning multiple properties isn't particularly appealing, but not completely ruled out. I've also been watching WAY too much HGTV. Interior Design is something that has always silently called to me, but has always been scary at the same time. Real Estate is something that I have also considered.

What this post is mostly about is the fact that I am worried about the future of my family, and being able to spend time with them. I also want to travel the world. So many dreams. I am at a point in my life where I can start to try to make them a reality. I just need to figure out how.

When I figure it out, I will let you know! I know I have been rambling, but I hope it makes some sense.

All my love,
Shae

The First Big Test

Relationships can feel strained for many reasons. At the core, I believe the biggest reason is respect and trust.

My husband and I are in a happy time in our lives, but with that happy time comes a different set of stresses. We are in the process of purchasing our first home! Yay! We are truly excited, and feel blessed! At the same time, we are both feeling a lot of pressure with thr upcoming increase in monthly payments and we are handling it differently. (Sadly, I'm sure that I have sprouted more than a few gray hairs to show for this process.)

My husband sees the $$$ that we are going to have to spend, and wants to halt all purchases until the dust has settled. I see some extra $$$ right now, and am trying to start purchasing some of the bigger things for the house, (furniture, paint, etc..) while we know we have the income. 

Both of us have good intentions, and want to ease the stress on the relationship in different ways. This is our first big test really of how we are going to work together as a couple. There have been heated discussions, but not blow out fights. I am so grateful we don't have blow out fights.

We both listen to the other, and respect that they feel a certain way. For now, no conclusions have been reached, but at least the information has been shared between us.
I have faith that everything will work out. Not only financially, but that my hubby and I will come out of this experience closer and stronger as a couple. There has always been respect and trust between the two of us. I believe that is why we work so well together. Wish us luck on this crazy adventure! 

All my love,
Shae