Guess what everyone??

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!!

Do you remember I mentioned that guy that I was talking to from the dating site and I thought it looked promising?  Well, we have really hit it off, and decided to give it a go!  He's adorable!  I have to tell you about our first date!

Ok, so the night before our date, he was thoughtful enough to mention the weather so that I made sure I brought a coat. (It is cold in Utah right now.) The day of the date is here, and he mentions that he is going to be at the restaurant early so that we can get seats and not have to wait a very long time.  I got home from work early that day, and got ready quicker than expected, so I also showed up early.  When i got there, he already had our buzzer to let us know when the table would be ready, and he was outside.  I was actually kind of nervous for this one, because I was hoping we would hit it off.

I walked up to him, said Hi, and gave him a hug.  He hugged back, and we were off!  Thankfully, nothing really felt awkward between the two of us, which is rare on a first date.  The conversation was easy, and we were both laughing relatively easily by the time we were sat at our table.  We enjoyed an easy conversation over dinner, and continued to get to know one another better. We pass on dessert (as we are both working on weight loss goals of our own) and move onto the next part of the date.

We head to Trafalga in Lehi, because he had never been mini golfing.  I'm awful at it, but I thought it would be fun for him to experience it.  We get there, and he buys the date package, where you get tokens as well. So first we go upstairs to their indoor mini golf course.  We both laugh as we stink it up.  We thought about going around one more time, but decided against it since we stunk it up so bad. :)

We head down to the arcade and start playing games and earning tickets.  There was skee ball, weird bowing with tiny balls, and tons of games.  We racked up the tickets, and I had tokens left over from the last time I had gone, so we went through those as well.

We go up to the prize counter and hand over our cards with our tickets. (because they loaded back on the cards now. Still weird to me, but whatever!)  We had almost 800 tickets.  The teenager behind the counter asks what we want, and Steve says, "I want her to pick a stuffed animal from that basket." I was floored. No one had ever taken most of our winnings and picked a prize for me in all of my years of dating. I picked a little floppy eared dog, and we named him Biscuit in the car.

At that point, we both mentioned that we weren't ready for the date to end, so I suggested we go to the local drink place, The Slurp. It's a fun place where you can get flavored sodas, hot drinks, ice cream, cookies, etc.  We both got our diet sodas flavored and sat and enjoyed more fun conversation. We shared a lot.  After that we decided to call it a night, he drove me back to my car, and we hugged, and I went home with Biscuit and a big smile on my face.
I am really excited to see where this relationship goes.  He doesn't care that I am divorced, and I can be my geeky self with him.

All my love,
Shae

Happy 2014!

Sorry that my posts have been so sporadic. I am trying to get a little better at it! I still make no promises or guarantees though. :P

Well, 2014 is really here!  I am really glad to let 2013 be in my past.  The holiday season was particularly hard on me emotionally.  I felt very alone through the holidays.  I realized about a week ago that the reason for that is most likely because it was the first set of holidays that I spent not in a relationship since high school.  That's 10-11 years ago!  That's a long time.  I really struggled, and ended up indulging in bad food and sweets over the holidays. Fell back into some old habits, but I am getting help for that.

So I'm sure some of you are wondering, are you going on dates?  Yes, since the divorce finalized, I have been going on lots of different dates with lots of different guys.  Being LDS, I am now attending a Young Single Adult ward again.  That is something I never thought I would do again, but it has been a refreshing change.  Most of the ward is young, but I went on a date with one of the guys in the ward and had a great time.  I've been set up on dates by friends, and I have dabbled in online dating.  There are some really great guys out there, but I haven't really felt that I could truly be myself with any of them. There is nothing wrong with these guys really. They just aren't a good fit for me.

Maybe I am being picky or something, but I need to be.  I don't want to ever get divorced again.

I feel like I am also settling into the grown woman that I am, and what I need and want in my partner.  I'm talking with a guy from one the dating site I am on now that sounds like he may be a good fit.  We will see what happens with him.

In the mean time, 2014 is going to be the year of the Happy Shae!  I've even picked out a theme song!

Enjoy!

All my love,
Shae

BRAZIL!!!!!!!!!

I have to take some time to mention how wonderful my trip to Brazil was!  It was the best early Christmas gift I have ever recieved.  I wasn't so much a tourist on this trip.  We didn't go and do anything particularly glorious or magnificent, but I was there to see my family and relax a bit.
My younger brother and I traveled down together a week before my parents arrived.  That first week was really relaxing.  I spent it helping my sister in law, laughing with my brother, and playing with my nephews.  My 7 month old nephew and I bonded quite a bit.  It would get to a point on the trip where he would want to come to me instead of others, and that was such a tender mercy for me.  There were times where I almost felt like a mother.  I was trying to make sure my sister in law could enjoy our visit too, so I spent a lot of time with the baby while my younger brother would entertain the 5 and 11 year old with video games and such. (Not my strong suit, but I am working on building those skills so I can play with them.)
But, the back to the moments where I felt like a mother!  I would be playing with the baby, or rocking him to sleep, or walking him around because he doesn't like to be cooped up, and all of the sudden, I would think, "This is a tiny glimpse at what being a mom would feel like." I know it's not fully, because it isn't my child, but I had some moments where it was just him and I, and I felt this love for him that I can't even describe.  It was truly such a tender mercy for me to experience that.

This trip was the first time my entire family had been in one place in almost 7 years.  We really tried to take in every moment of it we could.  I am so grateful for it.  I also got to read, sleep in, and enjoy the trip.  It was HOT down there, so it was a nice break from the cold here in Utah.
Family is very special and very important.  Don't take advantage of them.

I wouldn't trade my goofy family for anything in this world!  I look forward to the next time I get to see everyone again!

All my love,
Shae

My Current Views on Marriage

So I haven't posted for a while, and I'm sorry for that.

As of October 22, I am a single woman.  I am no longer married to my ex, the process is done.  It is kind of freeing to know that it is over, and it is time to move on.  It truly feels like the weight on my shoulders is gone, and I can immerse myself back into "single life."


Today I came across a blog post. It was titled "Marriage isn't for you." With that title, I became curious, and had to read more. The article went on to talk about how when you marry someone, it isn't for yourself, it is for them.  I took a portion of the article that was very important to me to share with you tonight.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raisethem? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.” 

Here is a link to the rest of the article for you to read.

After reading this, I got to thinking about, and his dad was right. I married my ex to make him happy.  I wanted a family with him.  I thought with the experiences he had been through, he would be a strong companion in raising children.

As our marriage went on, I realized that he was a completely different man that I thought he was when I married him.  I felt that I gave him everything I had, and I tried to do everything in my power to make him happy.  Working multiple jobs, trying to keep the house clean, and trying to go out and do things as often as he wanted and was accustomed to. I don't feel that I failed in my marriage.

That may sound weird to some.  If I didn't fail, why am I divorced? Well, it got to a point, where I was looking at the man he had become, and he wasn't the kind of man that could help me in the ways I needed in raising a family.I was looking out for my future family.  They need someone with a kind and gentle heart, not someone who is quick to anger. A gentle giant if you will, to raise children with me.

Is that selfish? Possibly.  But if I am going to be selfish in anything, I think being selfish in making sure my family has the best future possible isn't a bad thing. I care so deeply for the children that I am supposed to mother already, that I just want them to come into a good home with loving parents.

I am extremely blessed with 2 loving parents, that still cuddle at the movies, and hold hands when they are walking most places. They still giggle at inside jokes and kiss in the kitchen, and I am in my late 20's.  They have been married 30+ years, and I only hope I get as lucky the next go around.

Do I still believe in marriage? Yes, totally and completely. Marriage is a beautiful partnership between two willing people. I believe that my Mr Wonderful is out there. I will find him someday.  Maybe I've met him and don't know it yet, I don't know. I just know that Forever is a long time, and I am looking for not just someone, but the right someone.

You love when I post a song at the end.  I want to feel this way about my future husband. Except for the couple of feminine references of course! ;)

All my love,
Shae

Step 6: Take care of your health

A lot of people when they are going through a big change in their life let their health slide, or they take control of it.  I know that when I focus on taking care of my body, I do much better. The first few months after *Gabe and I separated, I didn't care.  I ate whatever I wanted and didn't work out.   After a couple of months of that, I had put some weight on, and I wasn't very happy with that.  I recommitted to my health, and I have lost 18 lbs since I have done that.  I am currently at the weight I was when I got married.  I still have about 42 to go to reach my personal goal, but I can get there.  In a previous post I mentioned I wanted to lose 20 before I leave for my trip to Brazil.  I still do!  I am going to do everything I can that is healthy to lose that weight before I leave.  We will be taking family pictures, and I am going to take a million with my nephews while I am there!
Focus mostly on what you put in to your body.  If you are putting crap in your body, it won't really matter what you do to exercise.  Take good care of yourself! And just for fun, here is a workout for you!  Try something new today!

Cardio Barre is something I really want to get into!  Who doesn't want a dancer's body?
Much love!
~Shae~

Step 5: Don't be afraid to cry

When you are going through a major change in your life, whether it is a marriage, a break up, the end of something or the beginning of something, don't be afraid of feeling every emotion that comes into your body.  Cry tears of sadness, cry tears of joy, jump up and down, be silly, be sad.  Feel everything.  It is the only way you can keep track of how you are truly doing.  Don't bury your feelings.
Recently, I have lost a lot of people in my life, either by their choice or mine.  I know that I have felt each one of them leave.  Just tonight I had a dear friend decide to leave my life. I am sitting here crying as I type this post, because I am letting myself feel everything.  This person has been wonderful to me, and I am sad that they have chosen to leave.  I want them to be happy, and I will respect their wishes.
Feeling every emotion as I have gone through this divorce has been part of what I have needed to go through. Don't be afraid of the emotions you feel.  You need to feel them to remember you are alive.
Live my friends, live.
Here is a song that reminds me I'm alive! Journey - Don't Stop Believing  Enjoy!

~Shae~

Step 4: Remove Toxic People

So, when you are going through a major change, you should only be surrounding yourself with supportive, loving people.  If someone is dragging you down, or dragging you into their own personal drama, I call them "Black Holes".  You can only handle so many of those in you life.
I highly recommend going through your friend list on Facebook, and to hide the statuses of the negative people from your news feed.  You want to be surrounding yourself with positive thoughts. I'm not saying unfriend them or anything.  I just know that when you are constantly hearing negative things, it's harder to not look at the negative in your life instead of the positive.
We all have that friend that we know we shouldn't have.  The one that we really don't like to spend time with, because you know that they just want to sit and complain about all of the wonderful things in their life, and drag you down in the process.  Now is as good of a time as any to let that person go.  You are making changes in your life, and it is time to take care of you, not them.  It may sound a little selfish like that, but you need to be taking care of you to the best of you ability.  If they aren't helping on the journey, it's time to let them go.
I have recently done this.  My stress level is much lower, and I feel much better overall.
Good luck!
~Shae~