Some of the most iconic romantic movies have a moment where your leading man and leading woman kiss in the rain. Some people look at this and think, "That looks uncomfortable" while others say, "That is so romantic"! I am one of the latter, being a hopeless romantic most of the time. When I think of kisses in the rain, the first move I think of is Breakfast at Tiffany's. This moment happens at the end of the movie, when Holly Golightly starts to discover who she is, and what she wants. She has misplaced her cat, and is looking for it in the rain storm. She finds "Cat" and realizes she is in love with this man, and they kiss. It is a wonderful, heartwarming moment, that is part of the reason why I adore Audrey Hepburn!
The next one I think of is Sweet Home Alabama. Again, this moment happens at the end of the movie. She spends the whole movie thinking she wanted one thing, when in the end, she wanted something completely different. I am starting to notice a pattern here... Are you?
There seems to be something about a woman discovering who she is again, and then experiencing a romantic kiss in the rain. Tonight, I was lucky enough to have that moment. It was sweet, it was tender, and I felt like he and I were the only 2 people on the planet. In that moment, it was just the two of us, and I am so grateful and so lucky to have him. He is so special to me, and he makes me feel so special. I feel loved and cherished more than I ever thought humanly possible. Every day is a blessing with Steve in my life.
I have a feeling these kind of moments will continue, because this isn't the first moment I have felt like this with him. This is just the first one where we kissed in the rain, and it felt so romantic.
I love you Steve! Thanks for putting up with silly me!
There are periods of time in our lives when things are exciting. New friendship, new job, new relationship, school, new baby, whatever. We all have those moments in life. What happens when the initial excitement is over? Does your attitude towards it change?
Today I spent some time with one of my dearest friends, Amber. I remember being so excited to spend time with her when we first became friends. As happens with most long lasting friendships, (or relationships) we have had our ups and downs over the years. As time has passed, that initial excitement went away. I don't feel my attitude towards my relationship with Amber ever changed.
While I was married, I didn't get to see her as much. I was focusing on nourishing (and trying to save) my marriage, while she was a single young woman who was still looking for her happily ever after. Since I split from my ex, I noticed that I became excited to spend time with her again, almost as much as when we were young. She entered into a relationship, and wasn't able to spend as much time with me, because she was nourishing and cultivating (and trying to save) that relationship. Today I got the feeling that she was excited to see me, almost as much as I was to see her. She's an amazing person, and I love that we have been friends for 17 years. We saw 2 ladies that were probably in their 70's when we were at the movie, and we both started laughing. We feel that will be us in 40 or so years, still going to see silly movies together as long as we live in close proximity of each other.
What I am trying to articulate here, is that you don't have to lose the excitement. Yes, sometimes the inital excitement will wear off, just because it is no longer new. But when it comes down to it, it is about what we put into it. Life in general is as exciting as we want it to be. Keeping things positive, makes it easy to see how exciting life can be.
The term "YOLO" gets thrown around a lot these days, and sometimes I think people use it as an excuse to behave however they want to. You Only Live Once (for those not in the know) can be used constructively. It's a reminder that you will only live that day one time. Why not make it fun, positive, and as exciting as you can? I know that in a small way, I live a YOLO lifestyle. I rarely neglect my responsibilites, (I'm not perfect after all,) but I live every day to the fullest, and try to be as positive as I can. Am I perfect at this every day? No. There are some days, where it doesn't matter how hard you try, it's just not going to happen. There will be days when it is easy to be excited, like Christmas, your birthday, or a vacation. It's all part of this crazy journey we call life.
Do what you can to live an exciting life my friends!
So, lately in my life, people keep telling me that I look great, and some say better than I ever have. I hadn't taken much notice in that until now to be totally and completely honest. My aunt made a comment on my Facebook recently that got me looking at who I am.
I have never felt like the glamorous girl that all the guys want. I'm a "bigger" girl, so I have never personally felt that way. So, I got looking at my life, and what had changed in it. The only thing that I can think of, is that I am happier than I have been in a VERY long time. I almost forgot what this girl looks like.
So, I was reminded of this particular Audrey Hepburn quote. More and more I am realizing that this is true. I am happier, I am more confident, and I really feel beautiful most days. I can't say that of every day, but I don't know a woman out there that can honestly say they feel that every day. They may say it, but I don't know that they always feel it.
As in my last post, I also think that I know better who I am now, and I am also with someone who is amazing, and understands that. We are still learning about each other of course, but I also know that he knows me better that I know myself some days. I love learning new things about myself, and new things that I like. So, to those out there who want to have a noticeable change in their countenance, find your happy place. Learn more about who you are. Embrace your awesomeness!
So, even though I am not a stereotypical beauty, I am a beautiful woman, who deserves to live a full and happy life. I'm sad it has taken me this long to figure that out, but at the same time, I wouldn't change the journey I have had, because it would have altered me. I don't know that I would be as grateful for the good in my life if I hadn't had to struggle for it.
So, for the first time in a really super long time, I feel like I know who I am. I feel like I know what I need in my life to help me be happy. I feel like I have balance, and I feel extremely blessed to lead the life that I do every day. Opportunities have been presented to me to make my life more sound financially. I have less stress than I have in years, and I am genuinely happy.
It took me a while to learn who I was again after my divorce. I was lost, and I had given so much of myself away to my ex husband, that I didn't know who I was as a grown woman. Over the last year, I have made some great strides in doing so. I feel that anyone who goes through any sort of major life change faces this issue.
So, what I did, was I started to figure out the things that made me happiest. I loved going out with my friends, going dancing, and just being me. I let loose a bit. I knew that my religion was a big part of my life that made me happy. I served in my church calling, I worked a lot, and met lots of new people. It's funny, because a lot of those people, I'm not that close to anymore. The more time I spent with them, the more I realized that I wanted to surround my life with positive things and people.
The ones that I remained close with, I knew before when I was married. I kept the people closest to me, and the people who kept me going. The ones that were causing drama, and constantly dragging me down, I had to let them go. It was a hard thing. I had a post a while back about getting rid of toxic people in your life. It's very true. Once I did that, I continued to do things that I enjoyed, and got involved in a Singles Ward, (which I never dreamed I would want to attend again,) and have made some new positive friends.
Another positive thing was my trip to Brazil. I believe people should see the world as much as they dare. (I know some people fear flying, but you can see so many places by car!) Getting out of your regular routine is good. It helps you get reacquainted with who you are, and where your priorities really are. So many of us get caught up in the hustle and bustle of work, that we lose ourselves in our work. I really want to take a couple of trips this year if at all possible.
I also learned that I love getting lost in the stories of books. Books make me happy, and have let me know who I am, and who I am not. I am not a Bella from Twilight. I am much more of an Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice. I believe in manners, and in being treated with respect and dignity. Thankfully I am blessed with my super amazing boyfriend who is everything I dreamed he could be, and so much more. I want to be independent, yes. I have a hard time relying on other people sometimes, but I like to have someone at my side who will let me do that when I need to, and will also insist on helping. That is one of the many things I love about Steve. He gets that part of me, and is supportive of it.
Essentially, I learned that I am not a bad person because my marriage didn't work out. I learned that I am a wonderful, beautiful person who deserves to be loved and respected. Being Shae Shae is pretty darn amazing most days, and I am grateful for the journey that lead me to that discovery.
I hope everyone knows that they all deserve the same.
Adversity is something that I have been thinking about lately. Adversity comes upon us all in many ways, shapes, and forms.
Recently Noelle Pikus-Pace won a silver medal in the Skeleton event at the Olympics. This woman is a wonderful example of surviving adversity.
8 years ago she was hit by a 4 man bobsled in a training accident. She thought her career was over before it ever even really started. Needless to say, she got back into the sport, and with the support of her family, won the silver medal, and did a happy dance on the podium.
Whatever adversity may be your challenge in your life, it can be overcome. I believe that we don't go through anything in our lives we couldn't handle. I have had various adversities cross my personal path, and I know that I am a better person now for going through those. I feel that we are given those adversities to help us learn and grow. We are meant to feel joy in this life. How can we appreciate that joy if we don't have something to compare it to?
If you are in the middle of your adveristy, I feel for you. Don't give up hope. You can do it! You can overcome this adversity, and come out on the other side a better, more loving person. Know that you are loved by more people than you can possibly think of.
There was a moment in my teenage years that I was struggling with adversities. I was crying in my bedroom because I was so overwhelmed. I get a soft knock at the door, and my mom comes in. She has a roll of calculator paper, and a pen. She encouraged me to write down all of the people that love me, and to look at it any time I was feeling overwhelmed, unloved, or any time that I was feeling down.
As you can see, I still have this calculator tape, and I keep a pen close by. It has been a wonderful tool for me over the years. Looking at the list now, I have no doubt that I am loved by the people in my life, which helps remind me how worthwhile I am. Recently I have had this list grow longer. I feel that love from others even more because of what I have been through. I am grateful for the people in my life.
Like Noelle, we can all overcome adversity, and become our own role models for ourselves, or families, and other people we may not even know.
I'm going to end this post with a song, and it is one of my favorites by Imagine Dragons. It's called "It's Time" Most of you know it, but truly listen to the lyrics. It's about beginning again. About taking control of your life, and taking the initiative to make your dreams come true.
Recently, I went and saw The Lego Movie with Steve. (Yes, we love animated movies!) As silly as this little movie is, and how catchy this song is, I learned something from it. Everything is awesome when we let ourselves look for the awesomeness. Everyone has bad things that happen to them in their lives. Whether that be a divorce, death of a loved one, unemployment, whatever the case may be, we all have those moments when we can feel down.
The main character in this movie is an ordinary guy, living an ordinary life, following the instructions, and not feeling like he was noticed, amazing or special. I know I have had those moments in my life, as I am sure most of you have as well. As this movie goes on, he is given a mission to save them all from evil. We also have these moments, where the bad is in our faces, and it is our job to rid us of it.
Sometimes, what makes us special is following the rules, and doing what we are supposed to, rather than going out and seeking to be different. Why is routine and structure such a bad thing in our world now? I have to say, that since I got a little more organized, and gained some more structure in my life, it has been much simpler and easy to enjoy.
We aren't always off on grand adventures and quests. Sometimes it is just surviving every day that leads us to those awesome moments. But, if we are letting the bad consume us, how can we see the awesomeness?
I've noticed that over the last year, I have been continually told that people love my outlook on life, and my attitude towards my personal struggles and obstacles within it. My parents were pretty phenomenal when they taught me that I should look for the good in my life. I don't know what makes me different than other people. I just seek the good. It keeps my life positive, and happy in general. Yes, I have bad days, and bad things happen to me. That doesn't mean that I can't have the glass half full and keep the good things that happen my focus.
I encourage you all to look for the good in your life. Then you can run around singing this silly song, and truly feeling like your life is awesome. Because, EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!! Even the struggles we go through can be awesome by the time we are through them. (Generally, they don't feel awesome while we are going through them. I would never say such a thing!) At the other end of the struggle, when you have the perspective, you can see the awesomeness that your life has become.
These were questions that I asked myself the first few months after my ex and I weren't living together. I didn't have all of the answers then, but I feel I have some insight now.
Being divorced, I have now found a great number of people that I can relate to that I previously couldn't. I have made some wonderful new friends that I have things in common with now. I am a person that connects pretty deeply with the people that enter my life. I would personally never wish a divorce on anyone unless absolutely necessary in my eyes. It is an awful process and it is an emotional roller coaster like you never could dream until you go through it. Having people that have before you can help you through it. In the moment when I was so lost and didn't know what to do, or what I was feeling, I would talk with these new friends, and they would help me find myself again. I can never thank those people enough.
I feel now that some people look at me differently now that I am divorced, but generally it's in a positive way. I have been told by multiple people that they hardly recognize me because my countenance has changed. I am happier, I and lighter, and I have a much more positive outlook on life. Some people will never like that I am divorced, and that is ok. The people I want in my life don't care, so that is what matters to me.
I was so scared that I would never find someone that could truly love me because I was divorced. I thought of myself as damaged goods. I thought everyone else would too. I found out while I was in Brazil that I wasn't damaged goods. Not one bit. I was loved by my family, and that was all I needed to love myself. I found out that someone could love me, and I deserved to be loved the way that my brother loves my sister in law, who is also divorced. Watching them for over 2 weeks gave me the hope that someone could love me.
I am truly lucky to be so loved, and today I feel lucky to be divorced. Has it changed me? Yes. Am I glad it changed me? Heck Yes!! We all do hard things every day. My hard things were different than some people, but I am grateful for them now. I'm in a better place in life than i have been in a long time.
When I was 8, I was taking gymnastics from one of my friends mothers. The balance beam is about the width of a VHS tape (for those of us who remember what that looks like) and you had to spin, dance, and jump on it. In the beginning, I would fall off quite a bit. She had one close to the floor for us to learn on. Having tiny feet, I always felt like I did pretty well with this particular aspect of gymnastics. I wasn't perfect by any means, and I didn't pursue it to Olympic dreams. But, it helped me understand that I was strong in my own way, and that if you don't keep your balance, you fall off.
I feel like that is what happened in my life. I fell off my balance beam. My marriage began to crumble, and I didn't know how to get back on the same balance beam. I had to re-learn what balance meant in my life. I tried a couple of different times to get back on the balance beam, but I would fall off, or get pulled of by something/someone in my life.
So, I had to learn what balance felt like in my life. Once my marriage ended, and we were living apart, I started to learn what balance felt like. I was stronger in my religious habits, I wasn't as stressed in my work environment, and I was sleeping better. I am a woman who needs sleep, or I can be cranky, or say things that I shouldn't. I started also to take the time to do things that made me feel better, like read books, make cards, and watch silly shows.
I'm still learning what it means to be balanced in my life. Now that I am in my new relationship, we are both learning what that balance means within our relationship. We talk about our needs, wants, and desires in the relationship. We also talk about our fears sometimes. We need to do that, and keep that communication open. (See post below) We have been spending tons of time together lately, which is wonderful. We are just learning how to balance the time we spend together with our hobbies and likes. We are sharing in those more, and we will continue to do so.
I also am taking the time to enjoy my work, read books, go to movies, sing, and do the things that make me happy. Balance is an individualized thing. What balance feels like to me won't be the same thing for Steve, or anyone for that matter.
I love the quote I used at the top. We have to keep moving to stay balanced. Albert Einstein wasn't just smart, he was also wise. When we stop, and wallow in our miseries for too long, our life falls out of balance again. If we keep moving, then we keep our balance. I feel that I am a much more balance person, but I am still a work in progress. True change and growth doesn't happen overnight. It is step by step, line upon line.
If your life feels out of balance, or like you have fallen off your beam, take a look at your life, and see what you can do to create that balance back. It will take some time, and some soul searching. We all feel the pressure to be everything for the people in our lives, but part of balance is making sure we stay sane, and happy. You can't help others unless you help yourself. Don't be afraid of the journey to find balance. It is wonderful, and constant. The journey is half of the fun!
Say something, I'm giving up on you I'll be the one, if you want me to Anywhere I would've followed you Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I am feeling so small It was over my head I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall I'm still learning to love Just starting to crawl
Say something, I'm giving up on you I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you Anywhere I would've followed you Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride You're the one that I love And I'm saying goodbye
Say something, I'm giving up on you And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh) Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something, I'm giving up on you Say something...
These particular lyrics I feel sum up a point that I reached in my marriage. My ex had shut off the communication, built up his walls, and wouldn't let me in. The first time I heard this song, I bawled my eyes out. It was the perfect way of expressing what I was feeling at that time, and I hadn't learned how to voice it.
Communication is such a key element in any relationship, whether it be friendship, romantic, or a working relationship. If both parties aren't willing to communicate, the relationship runs into problems. If an employee can't talk to their boss when they are struggling, both parties end up unhappy. If friends hide things from each other, they start to drift apart. When you shut down the communication with your spouse/significant other, you alienate them, and it strains the relationship to a breaking point.
In my first marriage, I really tried to vocalize my needs. When we were first married, I read The Five Love Languages, and I encouraged my ex to take the test as well, so I best knew how to meet his needs. His primary love language was Physical Touch, with a close second of Quality Time. Mine was Words of Affirmation with a close second of Quality Time. So, we both spoke the love language of Quality Time, and I wasn't opposed to physical affection in any way. I knew how to show him love. He struggled showing me the Words of Affirmation (Compliments) form of love, even though it was the one I needed the most. So, I found the pages in the book that showed examples of dates or things to express that love language in the book, marked them for him, and handed him the book directly, and said, "There are some pages in this book that I marked that should give you some ideas on how to help with that." after he had mentioned he didn't know how. He never read them, and never talked to me about it after that.
This happened on many occasions with him, where I would try to lay everything out on a silver platter for him and I. I did everything I could to tell him exactly how to share in a life with me. I was working 2-3 jobs most of my marriage, and in my profession I work most Saturdays. So, before I would head off to work, I would ask him to do one simple task around the house, like do the laundry, or do the dishes, while I was at work that day. I would come home 6-9 hours later, and it wouldn't be done. One simple task. It's not like I was leaving him a giant list of things to do. It was something simple, and it wouldn't happen.
When we reached that point in our marriage, I didn't feel like his wife anymore. I felt like his mother. When I tried to voice that to him, he would shut me off, brush it away, and generally leave the house rather than talk to me.
It is so important to communicate your needs. As long as both parties are willing to listen and communicate their needs, you do better. The best is when you both implement the others needs and make an effort to do what the other person has asked, or expressed that they needed.
When it comes to HOW to keep the communication open, it varies between every relationship. There are many different techniques. The one thing I would say that is universal for every relationship, is to be open minded and kind. Be open to the other person's opinions or feedback that they may have. In those they are voicing their needs. You want to meet the needs of your partner in every way you possibly can, as they should want to do with you. When two people are open minded, and are voicing their opinions, their chances of surviving in the relationship are much higher. As long as it is kind, and not argumentative, then it is easy for both people to remain open minded.
Now, I will be the first to admit that I am not a perfect communicator. I have been working very hard on it this last year. I've gotten better at communicating, I just need to get better at remaining calm and not argumentative. I got very defensive in my previous marriage due to the nature of it. I am getting better with each situation that I come across.
Communication is very important, and I hope anyone who reads this can learn to better communicate with the people in their lives. I realize that I have expressed its importance more than once in this post, but I am that passionate about it. Say Something.
When I moved home because of my divorce, I felt a lot of shame. I felt like I couldn't look people in the eye, because I was afraid of the pity I would see in their faces. I could imagine them saying, "Oh, there's Shae. I feel so sorry for her. She couldn't make her marriage work." I know that sounds a bit crazy, but that is what was going through my head. I was especially worried about that when I got back to my home ward, where everyone knew me, and knew my family so well.
To be honest, I almost didn't want to go to church that first Sunday back. I felt so much shame for what had happened that it almost kept me home. I knew I needed to go, and so I did. Much to my surprise, I only received those "pity glances" from a couple of people that I wasn't very close to. Most of the people there welcomed me back with open arms, and were excited to see me rather than seeing me differently. They still saw the same old Shae that they have always known. Not quite as happy as she once was at that time, but the same girl who loved them. I am so glad I went that first Sunday.
That moment taught me something wonderful. It taught me that my divorce wasn't nearly as big of a deal as I was making it out to be. Why should I feel shame for something that I poured my heart and soul into for 6 years, but it didn't work out the way that I had hoped and dreamed it would. It worked out the way it needed to. Why was I making a big deal about what these other people who knew and loved me thought? I HAVE NO IDEA!! I truly wish I did know.
Sadly, this shame did carry over to how I interacted with my family. I felt ashamed that I was back home. My family is incredibly loving, and they did nothing to make me feel otherwise. Because I didn't know how I fit back into my family at that point, I was meanest to the people that showed me the most love. I would run away to friends houses because I felt "safe" rather than learning to deal with the shame. I'm sad that I felt this way, and that I put my family through that. I'm sorry family. I really do love you all. I'm sorry that I was so bad at showing that love when you were so wonderful at showing it to me in my time of need.. I was not my best at the time, and I hope you can forgive me for my mistakes.
I made this post, because no one should feel ashamed because something didn't work out the way it was "supposed" to, like my first marriage didn't work out. It worked out for the best. I know that now, because it has been a year since my ex and I separated. If I had known that I could be this happy a year later, I probably would have handled things a little better than I did before.
Shame can be all consuming, and it is generally self centered. If you go about doing the things you know you need to be doing, like attending church, or work, or whatever it may be, the shame will go away. Don't let it consume you.
When you are going through something big like that, I encourage "going home" to where people love you, respect you, and can remind you of the amazing person you forgot you were. That's what happened with me in attending that ward. Being around these people reminded me that I am a worthwhile person. I just needed to tap into that again.
Lately, I have been pondering what it means to be content.
When I looked up the definition of content, it was defined as "in a state of peaceful happiness." That was a bit of an eye opener for me. It's not only being happy, it's being peacefully happy! What a wonderful word!
There have been times in my life where I have been happy, but my life was chaotic at the same time. There have been times where my life was peaceful, but I wasn't happy.
What is the magic formula to be both happy and peaceful? For me, I have come to learn that is balance. When I keep my chaos to a minimum, leave the unnecessary drama out of my life, and do things and enjoy time with people that are positive and make me happy. That is when I feel content.
As I have been in this new relationship with Steve, I have found myself very content. Yes, I still get nervous about things, and I have worries and hard days, but I still feel content.
This is Steve's definition of contentment
I was on my way there before Steve entered my life I think. I started to realize that even though I love being able to help people, and serve them in the ways they need, I need to take some time for me. I needed to do things that make me happy. I love to read, and I am taking the time to read more. I love my job, so I am working a little more now. I love attending the temple, so I am attending more often. Little things like that. It's funny how taking the time to do those little things, makes such a big difference in how I feel in my life.
In my first marriage, I felt guilty when I would want to read instead of spend time with my ex husband, even though I didn't enjoy what he was doing/watching. I felt it was my duty to spend time with him, and I started to lose myself. When I finally started to take some of that time for myself, my ex would start to get after me and make me feel guilty for taking that time. I didn't know how to be content, and for my ex to be happy at the same time. I think a lot of it is my ex didn't know how happy those small things made me. He just thought I was trying to ignore him, or that I was mad at him. He didn't understand that I did those things because they made me happy. They didn't have anything to do with him, or what was going on between us. When I look back at that relationship, it was all about him. I wasn't happy. There wasn't balance. When we were in our counseling, I brought some of those things up, and he didn't seem to care that those small things were something I needed.
I have since learned that to be content in or out of a relationship, you need to be able to do things you enjoy, and not feel guilty for it. That's something that is great about Steve. He really understand my interests. We share a lot of things, and we are starting to share things together that the other had never been exposed to. He doesn't mind that I am a nerdy girl that loves to read! He enjoys books too. Now we are trading book series.
I notice that I am content, because not only does Steve make me happy because he is so fun, he also has taken the time to understand me as a person. Just today, I had a moment where a friend wanted to spend some time with me this evening at an FHE.(Family Home Evening, in which we spend the evening with friends and family cultivating our relationships with them.) Since I am doing mine with Steve and his brother tonight instead of with my ward, I invited her along without even consulting him. I called him after letting him know, and he let me know it was fine, and he loved me for doing it. I'm so lucky and blessed to be his girlfriend.
So contentment comes when you find balance in your life. Seek out the things that make you happy and eliminate the unnecessary drama and worries as much as possible. That has been my magic formula. Any other opinions and techniques are welcome!
The post title is a quote from Much Ado About Nothing. one of my favorite Shakespearean plays out there.
Today has been a wonderful! Today the man I am in love with told me he loves me! From our discussion, we both felt it before now, but only voiced it today. He wanted to know for sure that he felt it before he said it, so that is why he waited. I have been thinking about why I waited. I waited out of fear.
Opening up to another man in a romantic way is a scary thing for me. The last time I truly let someone in, it hurt me in ways I never imagined it would. Granted, because of what I experienced in my last marriage, I am not the same person now. I am much more cautious with my heart now than I was then. I also know that Steve is not my ex husband. All the same, I was scared.
I have learned over the last couple of years that my heart is big, and I share it easily. Since the divorce finalized, I have been very cautious in the sharing of my big heart. I don't cope well with loss, and I was afraid that if I let myself love again, I would be setting up myself to lose that person.
Then enters Steven. I knew that I loved him long before I wanted to say it because I feared he wouldn't feel the same, or that if he left me, I would become a puddle of Shae that wouldn't know how to put herself back together. He is such a wonderful blessing, and I would never want to jeopardize what I have with him.
I wanted Steven to know how deeply I cared for him, so I wrote him a letter, explaining how he had changed my heart, how grateful I am that he cares for me, basically everything I felt or could express without saying those 3 magical words. I show up at his apartment this morning, dressed down, hair pulled back, and a tiny bit of foundation and mascara on. Basically, I went looking much more naturally than I normally do when I spend time with him. I handed him the letter, and let him read it, fear coursing through my body wondering how he will react to my feelings for him.
After he read the letter this morning, he started to tell me how he felt, and he said those 3 wonderful words... "I love you." My heart skipped a beat. I could hardly contain my excitement as I said I love you back to him. I also couldn't believe that he said this when I was so dressed down. I felt so special in that moment that I can't even truly express what I felt. I am glad that I waited until now to say it. It felt better, it felt right, and it felt like we were both ready to share that love with each other. I don't think any other moment before now would have felt so right.
As I type this post, he is sitting on the couch, playing a game, and just being happy. I'm happy to spend time with him, even if we aren't necessarily doing the exact same thing together. To me, that is a sign of a mature love, a mature relationship, and that we could be amazing together. We did the same thing today. We went to the grocery store, we went to dinner, we spent some time with his brother, and we watched a movie. It feels so natural spending time with him.
I am excited for our future. I am also glad that we are both growing within the relationship. We both are pursuing goals and working on achieving them together! I can only imagine how we will continue to grow in the future. I hope that it will only continue to bring us closer together, as it already has.
I am happier than I have been in a very long time. Steve plays a big part in that yes. I am also learning how to be accepting of the love that I deserve. I hope you all can do that too! Everyone deserves to be loved so deeply that the words to accurately describe it fail them. I wish that for anyone that may happen upon this.
As I have done in most of my posts, there is a song that has been on my mind in regards to the wonderful man that has entered my life. The lyrics I feel suit where I am at, and can more easily express how I am feeling. I hope you enjoy it!
I am the luckiest girl in the world! My boyfriend has spoiled me rotten!
Thursday, we exchanged good morning texts, as we always have, and then he says, "I have a secret!" I pry a little, but I was sure it involved Valentine's Day. I was thinking it was something along the line of flowers. Initially I thought maybe they were going to be sent to my work, but nope. They were sent to my home, and arrived at 5:40 pm! So I was sitting all day waiting for this "secret" to show itself, and had to wait all day! :) This blue long box arrived, and I received these.
Gorgeous Tulips and Irises. There was a beautiful note as well, making me feel special as he always does.
Valentine's day itself arrives, and I am so excited! I had gotten him some geeky pieces of art for him to hang around his home. I was so excited to give it to him! He arrives to pick me up for our date, and I got to show him the flowers. Then I gave him his present, and he was super excited! He had been mentioning that he wanted to decorate, but felt he didn't know how. I'm so glad I could anticipate what he needed/wanted. I got an awesome hug and kiss for that!
So, we drive up to his apartment, because we decided we were going to stay in! He had been talking about and dropping hints about my present for a week or so, so I was excited to see what it was. He was making it, so I was curious!
He made me a Teddy Bear! I named it Shasta! (Thanks Gina for the suggestion!) Not only was it a teddy bear, but he had also purchased jewelry for me that had my birthstone in it! I don't know that I have received a more thoughtful gift in my adult years!
We then made dinner in, (Steak and green beans) and watched the movie Romantics Anonymous. It was a French film with subtitles. We laughed and really enjoyed that. Shortly before our movie was supposed to end, we get a text from Steve's sister, and so we walked a block to go and visit them, as they were at his brother's place from Tooele. We talked with them and I enjoyed getting to know them better, and see them a little more relaxed around me. We invited them back to Steve's place, to show them my gift to him. Thankfully they loved it too. After they left, we finished our movie, and he brought me home.
It was such a wonderful night. It makes me so grateful that I can have a night in like that with him, and even if there is an interruption in the plans, we both go with it and make the best of it.
A month ago today we decided that we only wanted to date each other. I believe it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I love the pace of the relationship, and that we can do nothing and enjoy each other's company. That's a true test in a REAL relationship to me. Because let's be real here. Who goes on elaborate dates every night of the week when you are married? NO ONE!!! So, with that said, I hope there are many more evenings in with Steve, because I really enjoy his company!
Things are going great! Steve and I have been dating for a little while now, and things are going really well! We still haven't really run out of things to talk about, we continue to share our likes and interests, and we really enjoy each other's company.
I have decided to start working a little closer to home, so I am working at 2 salons right now. I'm excited to see where the closer one leads me.
There is a song that comes to mind to explain how I feel lately! Let me share that with you! It's by Imagine Dragons, who I love and adore!
