Say Something

                                                                 "Say Something"

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something...

These particular lyrics I feel sum up a point that I reached in my marriage.  My ex had shut off the communication, built up his walls, and wouldn't let me in.  The first time I heard this song, I bawled my eyes out.  It was the perfect way of expressing what I was feeling at that time, and I hadn't learned how to voice it.

Communication is such a key element in any relationship, whether it be friendship, romantic, or a working relationship.  If both parties aren't willing to communicate, the relationship runs into problems.  If an employee can't talk to their boss when they are struggling, both parties end up unhappy.  If friends hide things from each other, they start to drift apart.  When you shut down the communication with your spouse/significant other, you alienate them, and it strains the relationship to a breaking point.

In my first marriage, I really tried to vocalize my needs.  When we were first married, I read The Five Love Languages, and I encouraged my ex to take the test as well, so I best knew how to meet his needs. His primary love language was Physical Touch, with a close second of Quality Time.  Mine was Words of Affirmation with a close second of Quality Time.  So, we both spoke the love language of Quality Time, and I wasn't opposed to physical affection in any way.  I knew how to show him love.  He struggled showing me the Words of Affirmation (Compliments) form of love, even though it was the one I needed the most. So, I found the pages in the book that showed examples of dates or things to express that love language in the book, marked them for him, and handed him the book directly, and said, "There are some pages in this book that I marked that should give you some ideas on how to help with that." after he had mentioned he didn't know how.  He never read them, and never talked to me about it after that.

This happened on many occasions with him, where I would try to lay everything out on a silver platter for him and I.  I did everything I could to tell him exactly how to share in a life with me.  I was working 2-3 jobs most of my marriage, and in my profession I work most Saturdays.  So, before I would head off to work, I would ask him to do one simple task around the house, like do the laundry, or do the dishes, while I was at work that day. I would come home 6-9 hours later, and it wouldn't be done.  One simple task.  It's not like I was leaving him a giant list of things to do.  It was something simple, and it wouldn't happen.

When we reached that point in our marriage, I didn't feel like his wife anymore.  I felt like his mother. When I tried to voice that to him, he would shut me off, brush it away, and generally leave the house rather than talk to me.

It is so important to communicate your needs.  As long as both parties are willing to listen and communicate their needs, you do better.  The best is when you both implement the others needs and make an effort to do what the other person has asked, or expressed that they needed.

When it comes to HOW to keep the communication open, it varies between every relationship.  There are many different techniques.  The one thing I would say that is universal for every relationship, is to be open minded and kind. Be open to the other person's opinions or feedback that they may have.  In those they are voicing their needs. You want to meet the needs of your partner in every way you possibly can, as they should want to do with you. When two people are open minded, and are voicing their opinions, their chances of surviving in the relationship are much higher. As long as it is kind, and not argumentative, then it is easy for both people to remain open minded.

Now, I will be the first to admit that I am not a perfect communicator.  I have been working very hard on it this last year.  I've gotten better at communicating, I just need to get better at remaining calm and not argumentative.  I got very defensive in my previous marriage due to the nature of it.  I am getting better with each situation that I come across.

Communication is very important, and I hope anyone who reads this can learn to better communicate with the people in their lives. I realize that I have expressed its importance more than once in this post, but I am that passionate about it.  Say Something.

All my love,
Shae