Love is a giddy thing....

The post title is a quote from Much Ado About Nothing. one of my favorite Shakespearean plays out there.  

Today has been a wonderful! Today the man I am in love with told me he loves me!  From our discussion, we both felt it before now,  but only voiced it today.  He wanted to know for sure that he felt it before he said it, so that is why he waited. I have been thinking about why I waited. I waited out of fear.

Opening up to another man in a romantic way is a scary thing for me. The last time I truly let someone in, it hurt me in ways I never imagined it would. Granted,  because of what I experienced in my last marriage, I am not the same person now. I am much more cautious with my heart now than I was then.  I also know that Steve is not my ex husband. All the same, I was scared.

I have learned over the last couple of years that my heart is big, and I share it easily. Since the divorce finalized, I have been very cautious in the sharing of my big heart.  I don't cope well with loss, and I was afraid that if I let myself love again, I would be setting up myself to lose that person.

Then enters Steven.  I knew that I loved him long before I wanted to say it because I feared he wouldn't feel the same, or that if he left me, I would become a puddle of Shae that wouldn't know how to put herself back together.  He is such a wonderful blessing, and I would never want to jeopardize what I have with him.

I wanted Steven to know how deeply I cared for him,  so I wrote him a letter, explaining how he had changed my heart, how grateful I am that he cares for me, basically everything I felt or could express without saying those 3 magical words.  I show up at his apartment this morning, dressed down, hair pulled back, and a tiny bit of foundation and mascara on.  Basically, I went looking much more naturally than I normally do when I spend time with him.  I handed him the letter, and let him read it, fear coursing through my body wondering how he will react to my feelings for him.

After he read the letter this morning, he started to tell me how he felt, and he said those 3 wonderful words... "I love you." My heart skipped a beat. I could hardly contain my excitement as I said I love you back to him. I also couldn't believe that he said this when I was so dressed down.  I felt so special in that moment that I can't even truly express what I felt.  I am glad that I waited until now to say it. It felt better,  it felt right, and it felt like we were both ready to share that love with each other.  I don't think any other moment before now would have felt so right. 

As I type this post, he is sitting on the couch, playing a game, and just being happy.  I'm happy to spend time with him, even if we aren't necessarily doing the exact same thing together.  To me, that is a sign of a mature love,  a mature relationship, and that we could be amazing together. We did the same thing today.  We went to the grocery store, we went to dinner, we spent some time with his brother, and we watched a movie.  It feels so natural spending time with him. 

I am excited for our future. I am also glad that we are both growing within the relationship. We both are pursuing goals and working on achieving them together!  I can only imagine how we will continue to grow in the future. I hope that it will only continue to bring us closer together, as it already has.  

I am happier than I have been in a very long time. Steve plays a big part in that yes. I am also learning how to be accepting of the love that I deserve.  I hope you all can do that too!  Everyone deserves to be loved so deeply that the words to accurately describe it fail them. I wish that for anyone that may happen upon this.

As I have done in most of my posts, there is a song that has been on my mind in regards to the wonderful man that has entered my life.  The lyrics I feel suit where I am at, and can more easily express how I am feeling.  I hope you enjoy it!

All my love,
Shae